Coping with Christmas
Coping with Christmas
There are loads of reasons why the people we support can find Christmas a struggle. For some it’s the same every year. For others things have been especially tough this year and everything just feels too much.
We spoke to some of our survivors about how they were feeling and helped them work out what they could do to feel a bit less anxious at this time of year.
““I’m making plans to leave my abuser but will have to spend Christmas with him this year. He’s vile when he’s had a drink and I’m dreading it…””
Firstly, you’re certainly not the only one dreading Christmas, so please don’t feel as though you’re alone in that respect.
Domestic abuse often escalates around Christmas and we know it can be tough. Sometimes it’s the pressure to play happy families. Sometimes it’s spending more time with your abusive partner. And this year lots of couples have already spent more time at home together than they normally would.
If you’re worried about what could happen over Christmas, you might find it helpful to write a personal safety plan. You can download a safety plan template from our website or just make notes a notebook or journal.
You might not be able to imagine every possible scenario, but thinking ahead and writing a few ideas down on paper about how you can stay safe might help you feel a little more prepared if you feel as though you or your children are at increased risk of harm. It might be worth saving key contacts in your phone now – under fake names if necessary.
Don’t forget that abuse is a crime. It’s illegal. You can speak to the police and meet them for safeguarding support if you need to. They work closely with domestic abuse services like My CWA. They’re there to help keep you safe.
Remember, if you or your children are in immediate danger you should dial 999 immediately – Christmas Day or not – the police can help if you feel threatened by your partner. You can also call our 24/7 helpline if you need support.
““I left my abusive partner this year but I’m just feeling so lonely as it gets closer to Christmas. It wasn’t always bad, all of the time. How do I get past this?””
Not all abusive relationships are terrible all of the time. In fact, most will have plenty of good times alongside the not-so-good times. So it’s completely understandable to feel lonely at this time of year if you’ve recently left your abuser – especially if you’ve spent lots of Christmases with them.
But if you’ve had the courage to leave your abuser, you know you also have the strength to spend Christmas without them. And you know that Christmas Day spent with an abuser doesn’t necessarily feel nice or special. That sometimes the kids see through the façade and feel just as frightened as they usually do.
If you’re spending Christmas with your children for the first time since your split, you could take the chance to start some new traditions. You don’t have to spend a lot – wrap up warm and head out for a Christmas walk or snuggle up under a blanket and watch Christmas movies.
If you don’t have children or they’re grown up and doing their own thing, you could form a Christmas bubble with a friend or extended family. Or plan a day alone that includes as many of your favourite things as you can. The food you love. Christmas PJ day. Hot bath. Favourite chocolate. All the little things that make you smile.
““My ex was emotionally abusive but what I only recently discovered was that she’d run up loads of debt in my name. I often feel stressed at this time of year juggling all the finances, but with this on top of everything else, I just feel completely overwhelmed. What do I do?””
Financial abuse – which is what you’ve described – can be so worrying for anyone who experiences it. Dealing with the practical and emotional implications of what you’ve been through can be utterly exhausting. We get it.
Financial abuse isn’t talked about as much as other forms of abuse – lots of the people we support have never heard of it and don’t realise it’s happened to them – but there’s support out there for you and anyone else who’s experienced it.
Financial abuse is recognised by domestic abuse services like ours as well as the police – the law is on your side. Contact the police for advice about your situation.
And remember – don’t compare your Christmas Day with anyone else’s. Focus on doing things your own way. Take control over what you spend at Christmas and try to avoid adding to any debt to keep up with everyone else.
Contact My CWA for more information about our Christmas gift scheme if you’re struggling. We’re here to help.