Walk The Other Way
Walk The Other Way
Don't put me down or question why I walk the other way,
I'm struggling for some sanity, the things I cannot say.
While you are judging me, from anger of his lies,
I'm the one who tried to protect my babies, watching the fear inside their eyes.
All I could do was try my best, to keep them safe day and night,
Take his abuse, the name calls, shouting, be strong with all my might.
The things that I now remember, the names and all you said,
I struggle to keep them at bay, at night I mostly dread.
This healing game can haunt you, I thought that we'd be free,
But like picking at a scab, my wounds will always be.
I'm so proud of my children, after all they've seen you do,
For being on the receiving end, and becoming your victims too.
You see, we're stronger for this, these things that we've been through,
There's not much more to scare us now, even when you keep trying to.
A nightmare in the distance, although I know you're there.
I'll use my knowledge and experience, to show them how much I care.
So when I keep on walking,
don't turn and stare at me,
Don't whisper made up stories of what you thought I'd be.
Don't think you know the story,
Living it was our truth,
He'd be just like you see him as,
Until he hit the roof.
Control of the money, putting thoughts inside my head, saying that I'd get post natal depression, when I wanted to lie in bed.
Pregnant and "sensitive", "tetchy" a "drama queen",
It's only because of you that "I was pregnant" remember, I should "stop making a scene".
You "put that baby inside" me, I was "just the carrier" too,
That "f**kin bitch" you would corner,
Remember, I didn't "appreciate" you.
Being kicked out of our home and saying it was only yours,
Screaming in my face, pushing me up against the doors.
My little girl begging you, stop! Please don't hurt my Mummy,
While I held on tight to my underweight baby, inside my churning tummy.
You would push her away from me, shouting at her "don't f**kin get involved",
But that's the thing with you,
You knew in her, my whole life revolved.
My biggest fear was losing them,
My greatest gifts of all.
You'd put us all through hell,
But on my knees back I would crawl.
With every time you went at us for breathing, speaking or a look,
Your excuses and putting the blame on me, and the blame I happily took.
I knew it wasn't right, this wasn't how it should be,
I knew I wouldn't be your "princess" for long, and it would soon be back on me.
You wanted the "old me back", the one who used to take it,
Until I realised the way you work, and how good that you can fake it.
The pressure you put me through,
To do things that I did not want to do,
Taking control of my life, taking over my mind,
The words to explain I still can't find.
Bitter towards my family, friends and other,
Like you said you are good at reading people, even the likes of now my brother.
I trusted you with my life, and my little girls too,
Driving myself insane thinking what it was I did, that made you do the things you'd do.
The blood clots, hyperemesis, the heart ache you put on us,
Nearly losing my precious baby, you said because I fuss.
Even when that doctor told you, you must stop it all now,
We weren't enough to do so, you didn’t even know how.
The worst part of it all, is I think I would have stayed.
You pulled all of my energy out, an empty sole I laid.
I was completely just existing, for my children and one day,
That day you promised me so many times,
when you'd finally change your way.
A man I thought I trusted, had hurt us so very much.
From killing her pet rabbit, inside his tiny hutch.
To mentally tormenting us, emotionally, financially too,
I should get my own money, if I wanted things to do.
I wasn't allowed shopping, not even a pound to treat,
I was beck and call of you, begging at your feet.
To the things you forced upon me,
to keep my fears at bay,
As you would tell me details if not,
Of who, where and what way.
Then I knew my babies could rest,
And sleep wonderful dreams at night.
Without waking up to you shouting at me,
for not doing what you thought was right.
To that final day,
You woke up that way,
It was written all over your smirk.
You looked at my 8 year old daughter,
And started your malicious work.
Told her that her mum is a f**kin bitch,
As I was too scared to hand over my baby,
I didn't know which way to turn,
The physical pushing had become daily.
The look on her face, the fear in their eyes,
The sadness you'd bought into our lives.
The way you pushed her hard,
Across her precious face.
Even though it was you,
I feel such a disgrace.
When you grabbed my mouth tight,
pulled me back, grinding your words in my ear,
This haunts me over and over,
and won't ever be something that I don't fear.
My 5 week old baby, I cuddled her tight,
My beautiful children, I couldn't see the light.
You chased us around, banging down the doors,
Because baby was a possession, and that possession was yours.
I vow to protect my children,
With every piece of me,
For now I have more confidence,
And things are clearer to see.
You may be good at lying,
but a liar is always caught.
And the truths one day will out you,
That's one thing that you have taught.
We are fixing ourselves,
a little step at a time.
So don't put me down, or question, when I walk the other way.
My children's lives are my priority,
Much happier for today.
So don't put me down or question me, when I walk the other way.
Your opinions of me are irrelevant,
My explanations, I don't have to say.