Is it abuse?

Domestic abuse can present itself in many different ways. It can be physical, emotional, verbal, financial or sexual. But while types of abuse can differ considerably, one thing remains a constant: abuse involves a pattern of controlling or coercive behaviour designed to dominate you.

To find out more, visit recognising abuse Or take a look at our understanding abuse pages. Remember, the only person responsible for abuse is the abuser. You didn’t cause this.

Even if you’ve recognised that you’re in an abusive relationship, we know it’s not always as simple as leaving. You have a history. Perhaps there are kids to consider. You might feel as though you’ll ever be able to afford to leave.

Our self-help tools are designed to help you stay safe even if you can’t face leaving just yet. Take a look and use whichever tools you think will work for you.

“But I love him…”

There are probably lots of reasons why you choose to be with your partner and many more reasons why you love them, but abuse is not an expression of love.

Another commonly cited reason for staying is a pregnancy – especially when he promises that things will be different now. Sadly, 30% of domestic violence begins or intensifies during pregnancy, so things may well be different – but not necessarily better. Visit resources for survivors for help planning your next steps.

Leaving an abusive relationship

Leaving an abusive relationship can often take time. You might need to move in with a friend or relative or find crisis accommodation for you and your children while you figure out what to do next. Or it might take you a long time – perhaps even several years – to make a plan and get out. Please take a look at our leaving an abusive relationship, get safe and healing after an abusive relationship pages to find out more.

Remember, you can call our helpline if you need to talk: 0300 123 5101 (or 01270 250390 if you’re outside Cheshire East). Have a read of What happens when I contact My CWA? to find out more about next steps.